On an old post, “ Have Anti-Mormons Won the War?,” a helpful Christian brother explains why driving Mormons out of Missouri and other states made sense – and presumably why it might still make sense today. You see, people recognized that we were a “cult” (you know, a religious organization having – gasp – different beliefs). Guess I never quite thought of it that way, but now it makes total sense. Here is the May 30, 2007 comment:
The mere phrase ‘Mormanity’ has to send chills up normal people’s spines. There are reasons proponents of the so-called ‘religion’ of Mormonism were expelled from points East of the Missouri River in the 19th century…it was recognized as a CULT! Yet, here we are, in the 21st century – and they have grown from cult to ‘religion’…I ask you to compare this to Scientology. Really look into the stupid beliefs of both of these ‘religions’ and then, look at ancient Egyptology. I guarantee you will be impressed.
The connection to Mormon and Egyptology is closer than anything involving Scientology… just citing examples of unbridled imagination gone wild.
While these insightful comments shed light on our history, they do raise one serious concern. Is the title of my blog sending chills up your spine? Come on, at least a handful of you should be “normal people” who stumbled here accidentally after Googling some normal topic (something like “al sharpton yucatan salt”). So when you saw the dread word “Mormanity,” was there a chill? Did it go all the way up your spine or just peg a couple of vertebrae before petering out?
Understanding that it’s natural to drive out and kill people who belong to a “CULT!” not only provides the necessary framework to rationalize the alleged “persecution” of the Mormons, but also helps us better appreciate the rational response of the Roman Empire to early Christianity. As I explained in my response,
And there was a reason Christians were slaughtered by Rome: they were recognized as a CULT!! And being the tolerant neighbors that they were, the Romans who did not agree with that new religion did the logical thing and tortured the Christians. So, as our anonymous “Christian” friend points out, it’s OK to exterminate those who belong to a different religion – you know, a “CULT!!”
But I can understand why the Romans would be so insanely angry at Christianity: just look at all its ties to Egypt and Egyptology. Belief in an afterlife, belief in immortality, belief in judgment and resurrection, belief in heaven, belief in the soul of man, the use of a cross (ankh) as a symbol of conquering death, the use of temples and shrines for cultic practices, ceremonies of washing, an established priesthood, belief in the Creation by a supreme being, etc. Man, that’s spooky – and so similar to “Mormonism.” In fact, early Christianity and Mormonism have dozens of things in common – things that are no longer part of mainstream Christianity – so much so that it’s really frightening. In addition to driving out Mormons, perhaps we should also go after early Christians as well, once we find them.
Or, as I’m sure has crossed the mind of our anonymous poster and Christian friend, perhaps we should just focus on once again driving out those modern Christians who actually belong to a “CULT!” – the Mormons. After all, they have some parallels to Egyptology. Who would want that in their neighborhood?
I have to admit that driving out the Mormons makes sense, now that I have faced the irresistible logic of our opponents. And I’m willing to cooperate and be driven out – as long as we are driven out in style. I want to go in a Ferrari Enzo, but could settle for a Pagani Zonda C12 F. My wife will be driven out in a Lamborghini Murcielago. For my sons, we’ll take 1 BMW Z3, 1 Porsche Carrera GT, and 2 Bugatti Veyrons. And then we’ll need a few more for my daughter-in-law and the granddaughter, plus a couple of Hummers and SUVs for my books and other essentials, and a semi for the food storage. As long as your church anti-cult budget can do the job properly, my Mormon family is ready to cooperate and be driven out whenever you’re ready. And once we get into our new and fully loaded vehicles, with proper transfer of titles and full gas tanks, you can even torch our home. I know that’s an important and traditional part of the deal.
Face it, we need to go. We’ve got stupid beliefs – different beliefs than yours, for goodness’ sake – and perhaps even some ideas related to ancient Egypt. And a touch of Canadian influence, too (plus I like Thai food and enjoy hummus). Really, it’s time to purify the neighborhood. But we’ll need some real wheels for the trek to wherever – no lame wagons this time. And where will we go? We’ll follow the example of our ancestors, I suppose, and head to some forsaken corner of Mexican territory. Puerto Vallerta, here we come.