The Nehor Times: An Ancient Mesoamerican Publication Decoded

Mesoamerican scholars have decoded an ancient text in a new Mesoamerican script from a codex recently unearthed in Guatemala and dating to roughly 100 B.C. The script, known as “reformed journalese,” was particularly difficult to translate. Rather than reading from left to right or right to left, as most modern and ancient scripts do, the “reformed journalese” script stumped translators until they realized that it read from left to far left.

The translated text appears to come from a lost ancient civilization known as the “No-fite” people. The text itself is a complaint published by the ancient “Nehor Times” regarding the military actions of a rogue general and dangerous religious zealot named 76-Porcupine, probably pronounced as “Mor-O-Nie.” Mor-O-Nie had apparently relied on trickery and corruption to seize military power, and was now unjustly fighting against the peace-loving people of “Le-Mun” and their No-fite insurgent allies to impose his religious and political views on the oppressed peoples of the land.

The Nehor Times text reveals details of Mor-O-Nie’s secret plans for finding enemy spies, an act that Mor-O-Nie must have viewed as treasonous. The text also accused Mor-O-Nie and his soldiers of locking up No-fite dissenters for their insurgency without fair trials and accused them of slaughtering civilian insurgents. A group of powerful judges, the apparent rulers of that ancient society, were reportedly outraged over Mor-O-Nie’s actions and had imprisoned some of Mor-O-Nie’s soldiers for their war crimes.

Many questions remain, but scholars believe that other manuscripts may yet be found to reveal more insight into the previously unknown No-fite civilization and the brave writers of the Nehor Times who were apparently the last hope for truth and justice in a civilization being ripped apart by religious zealotry.


Author: Jeff Lindsay

7 thoughts on “The Nehor Times: An Ancient Mesoamerican Publication Decoded

  1. This is what will happen for some future generation if all people do is save copies of the New York Times in their time capsules…

  2. good, this surprising discovery should help balance the way most LDS are interpreting the Book of Mormon in their scripture study (mistakenly thinking the USA is fighting to protect our homes, family, etc.). Hopefully this will give peace-loving LDS members some extra ammo by using it to supplement their already superior view of the Book of Mormon as a peace-preaching scripture.


  3. Did this new scripture happen to detail this evil Mor-O-Nies inhumane dehumanizing treatment of these treasonous captives. Generally treading on anything rotten heathens considered sacred, bearing continual false witness, slandering, threatening and speaking evil falsely against their innocent family members, refusing them any attempt to explain why he might be mistaken or to even notify them what it was he found treasonous, etx. If so, it would be an interesting expose by Nehor indeed.

  4. I’d imagine that the Mo-ro-nies were anarchists, intent on destroying the strong central government that traditionally had sustained and protected the people with a king. Such an anarchist group, always wanting wanton abandonment(they call it “freedom”) is truly a danger to any and all societies, such as that of these people.

  5. Exposed! Yes, it’s a joke. Well, not much of one, but an attempt.

    As much as I’m opposed to the misuse of our military in fighting unnecessary foreign wars that will only lead to more war, when our nation does fight a war, we should win it and win swiftly and decisively. The treason of the New York Times in exposing classified methods of tracking terrorists and the actions of the media in hindering the ability of our soldiers to protect themselves shows these journalists to be like the kingmen of Book of Mormon lore, working to support the enemy in a time of war.

  6. I can’t remember when I have laughed more. I hope this isn’t a freak one time comedic ability because I will certainly be checking in for more!

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